Monday, July 27, 2015

So, What did you do this summer?

So,  There I was....*  In a meeting with the Technology Director brought about by a question I'd made in passing a week or so before.  "So, what are we going to be doing this summer, Boss?"  Summertime, in IT in a K-12 School District is when we finally get to do the proactive things that really need to be done vs the reactive things that sprout up when the phone rings.

Proactive things = prevent the destruction of the universe and the extinguishing of all life therein.

Reactive things="my printer jammed and printing my document two classrooms down is inconvenient."  ("My driving across town to pull the stuck paper our of your printer is inconvenient too, Missy!  Deal with it!" not being an acceptable response)

Summer time allows us mostly uninterrupted time to redo databases, update servers, rewire network connections, etc.  All intensely fascinating, deeply enriching exercises that nerdy IT types alone appreciate, until they stop working at which point all concerned learn to appreciate.

Anyhoo (to use an anti-digression term from Sarge),  There I am in this meeting.  "So,  what are we going to be doing this Summer, Boss?" is hanging out there in the breeze followed by a pregnant pause.

"Well...Funny you should ask."

Uh-Oh,  "Funny you should ask" is always followed by something that is not funny and, in retrospect, I wish I had never asked about.

"We're going to forklift the entire network."

Huh?  Forklift and network are not generally used in the same sentence.

"Sounds fun.  What's the scope of the operation?"  Being totally clueless on the forklift terminology, I fall back on known technical geek speak hoping to hear terms I'm able to understand.

"We're going to replace every computer, thin client, server, and switch in the network and bring it back up before the Teachers return in August."

"Holy S**t!"   (Yes, that slipped out.)  We going to have some help?"

"We will have a few contractors to help with the programming the switches, but primarily it'll be us.  We'll hire some hourly types to help with the lifting and carrying, but the setup is going to be your team."

So,  That is what I've been doing since June 4th.

620 client computers removed and replaced.  200 Thin Clients (terminals where the operating system runs on a server and is displayed on a monitor) removed and replaced.  50 servers replaced or updated.

This in addition to the normal recocking activities needed to put to bed one school year and prep for the next.

I'm tired.

Mrs. Juvat, being the wonderful person she is, decided the clan needed down time. So it is decreed, so it shall be! The beautiful daughter will interrupt her job search in the Peoples Republic of Austin and join us.  Little Juvat and his Bride will provide intricate knowledge of the highways and byways of San Antonio, since that is where Mrs. Juvat has decreed the weekender will take place.  The Forces are ready.

We (she) have made reservations at the Hyatt Wild Oak Ranch Residence Club.  I've gathered that this is part Time Share and part overflow for the Hyatt Hill Country Resort next door.  We're not in the market for a Time Share, but the room was VERY nice.  

After a braising (102 degrees, 73% humidity) commute in traffic, we're settled in and head to the pool for a dip.  Then Dinner and we're ready to hit the rack.  Up the next morning and over to the Resort, where we find a place by the Lazy River.  Just enough sun to work on a little color, plenty of shade to keep from over doing it and nice cool water to maintain body temperature.  Oh, did I mention they had minions who when summoned would bring adult recreational beverages?
Minions, being given the Ops Brief for the mission
Minions departing on a raid on a purveyor of Adult Recreational Beverages

Their beloved leader relaxing and finally getting a chance to read Old NFO's new book  The Grey Man: Changes
A most excellent read!

After a relaxing day, we head back to the room and get cleaned up for the main event.  Little Juvat and his Bride had given me 5 tickets to see Patriot's Tour with Marcus Luttrell among others.  Let me tell you in no uncertain terms.  Go. See. This.  Program!

Dinner at Zocca on the Riverwalk was excellent
A fairly steamy. if beautiful walk to the TheaTah!

Wow!  Held at the Empire Theater in Downtown San Antonio, it was awesome.  The theater seats 2264.  We checked ticket availability before the show started.  There was one ticket unsold.  The thing that got me was the wide range of age groups that were there.  A lot of old folks, but also a bunch of families with kids in their early teens.  The couple that sat next to me were in their very early 20s.

The show got going when Mary Sarah came on stage for the National Anthem.  Standing in front of a Patton sized flag, she began singing and she really hadn't gotten started when the whole audience was singing.  I realized at that point, this was going to be a great evening.

She's done (and did a fantastic job), and the first speaker came on.  Capt. Chad Fleming, a Ranger with 6 deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan.  He walks on stage in a pair of shorts and one can see immediately that his life is different than most.  On his first deployment, he received injuries to his left leg which eventually required amputation.

He described the events without remorse or self-pity rather with humor (the story of the saving of his $40 Under Armor underwear was hilarious) and grace.  I was impressed!  He served as the MC for the first half of the show.

Capt. Fleming then introduced Taya Kyle.  She also told her story about her life after her husband, Chris Kyle, was murdered and what it took for her to pull herself up and carry on.  Not a dry eye in the house when she almost lost it in the middle. 

Finally, he introduced Pete Scobell, a Navy Seal.  Mr Scobell sang a few songs for which the lyrics reflected the releasing of a lot of internal pain.  Given that he had been a Seal for 19 years, that should not be hard to believe.  The music was very good and it doesn't surprise me that he and his band are touring with a Major Headliner, in this case, Wynonna Judd.

After the intermission.  Capt. Fleming introduced David Goggins, also a Navy Seal.  Mr. Goggins, had a different story about his overcoming difficulty.  He has been a USAF Tactical Controller, an Army Ranger, and a Seal (with two Hell Weeks).  He decided, after the Lone Survivor episode, to try and raise money for the families of those killed by competing in the most extreme physical endurance competitions in the world.  OK, this guy is officially a bad a$$ machine.  Running 200+ miles in 48 hours?  4000+ pullups in 24 hours?  125+ miles in 24 hours in Death Valley, in the Summer?  YGBSM!

Then he tells us he did all that with a silver dollar sized hole in his heart!  

Mr. Goggins concludes his portion of the program by introducing Marcus Luttrell.  I confess, I have not read his book nor seen the movie, and I'm glad I hadn't.  I had a general understanding of the circumstances, but hearing him tell it first hand was awe inspiring.

I've always had a strong belief in the power of the mind to overcome physical circumstances, these folks did an outstanding job in showing me how much more the mind can accomplish than I ever imagined.

Go. See. The. Program.


Sunday, July 26, 2015

Swedish Walmart

"IKEA Frisco TX" by Rainchill - Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons (Source)
Friday afternoon, The Missus Herself reminded me that we had some stuff which needed to be returned to its place of origin. This stuff was either the wrong stuff or stuff which had been purchased for a particular contingency but which was now excess to requirements. That is, it was no longer authorized on the Chez Sarge TO & E*.

Now the latter stuff consisted of: kennel, dog, heavy duty, two each. Back around the Fourth, The Nuke and The Sea Lawyer had planned a visit up to Little Rhody. Now you might recall that those two have a couple of pooches, Kodi and Bear. They are not small pups. They can ride up in the back of The Nuke's off-road vehicle (seats out) but once here they would need a kennel in which to chill out.

Who knew that dogs need "their space" from time to time?

At any rate, due to an illness (Kodi got sick, she's okay now) the trip was cancelled and we were left in possession of:  kennel, dog, heavy duty, two each. As we have felines who make their space wherever the heck they please, the kennels were excess to requirements and had to be returned.

Now the former item in the aforementioned stuff requiring return to its place of origin consisted of a bunch of bed curtains.

"Bed curtains Sarge? Who are you Ebenezer Scrooge?"

No, no, I'm not Scrooge and don't think big old heavy Victorian bed curtains. The ones we have (and which require replacement, due to having two felines who make their space wherever the heck they please) are lacy and light. They are in The WSO's old room on what a young daughter of a friend of ours refers to as "the princess bed."

At present those curtains now have the look of a tattered set of sails off an old schooner which has been through a blow in the North Atlantic in winter.

Okay, they're not that bad, not to mention which I need to throw in a nautical reference from time to time to keep the nautical readers of the blog amused.

As The Nuke likes to say, "Yeah Dad. You're real salty."

"Arrrrr and shiver me timbers." says I.

Anyhoo. The replacement sails, er curtains, were much too long for the bed we have. I would not have noticed but I'm a guy. We don't notice when curtains are tattered, too long or otherwise unserviceable. We also only see in primary colors and everything is either black or white in terms of "nuance." Subtlety is not our strong suit. At least many a female of my species has informed me of these "facts."

Which reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw once up in Vermont...

"All Men Are Idiots. And I Married Their King."

I found that greatly amusing, the three females of my tribe along for the ride looked at me as if I had just laughed at Newton's Third Law.

Apparently facts are just that, facts. Period. Full stop. Not to be laughed at, mocked or trifled with. And here I thought I was the king of the idiots.

Anyhoo, I see I've wandered off topic once again.

The curtains needed to be returned. I asked The Missus Herself where she had purchased them.


"We have an Ikea?"

"No. But there's one on the way to Boston."

"Boston? As in Massachusetts?"

"No, you great lump. Boston in Westphalia. Of course, Boston in Massachusetts."

Checked the map, and good googly-moogly, that Ikea is some forty miles from our permanent encampment.

"Hhhmm, I didn't know they sold curtains at Ikea..."

"Yes, it's kind of like a Swedish Walmart."

Well, it was the first time in my entire life that I had ever entered an Ikea. I was familiar with the store's purveying of "inexpensive" and hard to assemble furniture but had never actually been in one.

Upon arrival we wended our way to the Ikea parking garage and found a spot. We were almost backed into by some freaking loon who wanted to back his car into a space instead of just pulling into it like a normal person.

I didn't really get a good look but I'm betting he was driving a Volvo and wearing Earth Shoes. While my first instinct was to drive him before me and hear the lamentations of his women, The Missus Herself told me to "calm down, there's a space over there."

It's mortified I was, being deprived of my prey like that. But as the kids like to remind me, we don't live on the steppes back during the days of the Great Khan. If we did, they like to point out that I would probably be a lowly foot soldier. Made to march in camel dung and...

Digressed again, didn't I?

So we enter Swedish Walmart Ikea and The Missus Herself starts marching through the store. I was noticing the low ceilings, the lack of sight lines and the curious throngs of aging hipsters all gawking at the cheap inexpensive merchandise.

Now bear in mind, this was after we had returned the aforementioned curtains. My assumption was that m'lady was on the hunt for replacement curtains.

"No, you great goof. Flower pots. I need flower pots."

Not wanting to ask many questions I stayed in trail and followed her through the store. I was beginning to think we were lost and meandering through the store in hopes of somehow finding the Northwest Passage, er, I mean the way out.

Seeing a pillar with a cache of maps, I snatched one.

Swedish Walmart? More like the Cretan bloody labyrinth.

I half expected to encounter the Minotaur and was keeping my eyes open for something to use as a weapon.

Me at Ikea.
Actually: Theseus and the Minotaur in the Labyrinth by Edward Burne-Jones (Source)

My first trip to Ikea.

I'm rather hoping I'm not forced to repeat the experience any time soon.

Rather an odd place.

Yes, we bought flower pots. No, we didn't buy any curtains.

And there wasn't a meatball in the whole place.

Not that I could have found them even if there were.

*TO & E = Table of Organization and Equipment. For those of you who chose not to chase down that link and wade through The Acronym Page. I'm cool like that, those who want to chase the link can. Those who don't, well here you are. I don't always do this. I'm feeling accommodating today. (See what I did there, gave you a second chance to hit the link. Just in case you missed it up there.)

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Social Media and Me

Yes, this really happened...
Okay, so maybe I do get carried away with the whole blogging thing. I like doing this and it keeps my brain in gear. Thinking about what to write, what kind of photos I want to include, whether to be serious or silly (you might notice that I lean rather heavily towards the latter) and whether I wish to reveal certain aspects of my life and times to you, My Faithful Readers.

I am kind of an attention junkie. I don't believe that I should get a trophy for just showing up but I will demand your attention and try all the harder the next time.

Now social media is a most interesting phenomenon. I wasn't all over Facebook as soon as it came out. The progeny got me hooked on that, with kids scattered all over the continental U.S. of A. it helps to keep track of what they're up to.

I also belong to a closed group on Facebook in honor and remembrance of the fellow who inspired me to start blogging. I mostly hang out there, we are generally folks of like mind but we're not all conservatives, there is a liberal or two over there, but I'm pretty sure there isn't a "progressive" in the bunch.

I also post pretty much everything from the blog over there as well.

Like I said, I'm an attention junkie. (Note that I'm not an attention whore, that would indicate some sort of remuneration for services rendered. I do this for free. Just wanted that to go into the record. FWIW.)

While I do have a Twitter account, I seldom use it.

Just checked, I have "tweeted" precisely nineteen times.


A sample of my scintillating brilliance on Twitter...

Sorry, where was I? (I was over at Twitter, "Draft Biden"? Seriously? For what?)

Another important thing you need to know about me is that I didn't get a cell phone until the late winter of 2010. Up until then I hadn't really seen the need for one. Then the company which provides me employment, a regular paycheck and fairly interesting work, decided that my services were needed temporarily at another location.

So The Missus Herself suggested that I take her cell phone "up north" with me so that I could stay in touch with the progeny and home base.

"Hhmm, what's this thing on the cell phone?"

"Sarge, that's a GPS tracker..."

Okay, so she wanted to keep tabs on me as well. Can't say I blame her, I do tend to go feral when left away from the family for too long.

So in the late winter I purchased a cell phone. Just a little flip phone. For phone calls mind you. While it did have a camera, I think I could store about five photos. Small photos.

And the fruit of my loins (oh my word do they hate that term, probably why I insist on trotting it out from time to time) kept sending me videos and photos. Which necessitated me deleting the stuff already on my wee phone. Stuff I wanted to keep.

Okay, so it's more than just for phone calls.

Now I have a big fancy "smart" phone, which thinks it knows better than I how to spell, try this on for size Mr Smarty Phone - 'Allo 'Allo => Allowed Allowed. See, I'm smarter than it.

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."



Alright, neither of us is very mature.

So I could be tweeting as I do carry about the technology to do so. But from the samples offered above, perhaps it's best if I avoid that particular venue.

And yes, I really did release the date of my surgery before the Public Affairs Office at Chez Sarge had officially released that information.

The Nuke refers to me as being a member of the media. She has a cool job in D.C. and many of our conversations start like this...

"Dad, this is off the record..."


"You can't blog about this."

"Oh, okay. Are you sure I can't..."


"Well, alright."

And so it goes.

I have some material I need to clear with the front office. See you later.

Friday, July 24, 2015


While this picture has absolutely nothing to do with this post it is here because I like it. There are many photos of roses but this one is mine.
Well, I had a chat with the surgeon's office on Thursday. I will be checking into the hospital next Friday for to undergo the "procedure."

I put it in quotes because the medical people keep trying to explain things to me.

I have assured them, more than once, that that is quite alright. I don't really need to know.

Nor do I really want to know.

I guess it would be like me explaining the radar on the Phantom to the aircrew just before I open the toolbox and have at it.

I mean sure, they were highly educated men (for in those days the flyers were all men, though we had a number of ladies doing maintenance, to fly one needed to be male, not "identify" as male mind you, but actually be male) and I have no doubt that they would have understood completely the intricacies of the AN/APQ-109A radar set and the AN/APA-165 intercept computer.

Well, other than the WSO who showed up at the neighboring jet and wandered over to my jet where we were industriously (and quite professionally) tweaking, aligning and adjusting the radar synchronizer. The radome was open and the radar package was fully extended. Okay, minds out of the gutter, it's not as erotic as it sounds. [Oh, it's just me who was thinking that? Never mind...]

Well, this fairly junior officer in a flight suit wanders over and stands there contemplating the radar in all its naked glory. After a while we noticed him staring intently.

"Can I help you Sir?" my SSgt inquired.

"Gee, that looks pretty complicated..." the lieutenant said.

At that point, the pilot came over, grabbed his back seater by the elbow to lead him back to his own jet.

I imagine there might have been one of these installed in the back seat...


Or not. I mean eventually these fellows look back on their junior days and remember some of the dumb things they said or did.

Like the WSO who wrote the radar up for not functioning in the O.F.F. mode.


At any rate, I prefer to remain somewhat ignorant of what the doc plans to do once he has me under. I trust he knows what he's doing. After all, it's not like I'm going to be awake to ask such things as...

"Why are you cutting there?"

"Gee, that looks complicated."


"Oh my screaming blue heavens that bloody hurts please knock me out!"

Or words to that effect.

I trust the experience won't be anything like the following.

But ya never know...

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Pure History

Last Stand of the 44th at Gandamak, 1842
William Barnes Wollen (Source)
My brother-in-arms across the pond had this great post the other day. Made me think it did.

The West has had its great empires: the Macedonians of Alexander, the Romans, the Spaniards, the French, the Germans and of course our own forebears, the British.

Some exploited the lands they conquered, some brought peace and prosperity and a legacy of freedom to the lands they held so long.

Great Britain was once the Motherland to our own land and to our brothers and sisters to the north. Think of some of the countries where Tommy Atkins soldiered and where British commerce held sway.

The United States, Canada, New Zealand, Australia and the largest democracy - India.

Yes, there was strife, there were iniquities and no small measure of suffering for the native population. The original peoples of most of those countries were displaced and marginalized for the most part. With the notable exception of India.

Commerce followed the flag in those days. The never ending search for new markets and new sources of raw materials drove this small island nation ever outwards.

Leaving many a legacy for those who followed.

Of all the empires which ever flourished and then passed into history, the British Empire, for all its faults, was, in my opinion, the best. Mankind has benefited greatly from the legacy of those shopkeepers, sailors and soldiers.

History is fact. People may have opinions but what was remains and cannot be rewritten by those with an agenda.

The Brits paid the price on many an occasion.

Still they soldier on...

Remnants of an Army
Elizabeth Butler
Depicting the arrival of assistant surgeon, William Brydon, at Jalalabad on 13 January 1842. (Source)

The story behind the paintings...
The 44th Foot fought in the First Anglo-Afghan War and the regiment initially formed the advance and later the rearguard on the retreat from Kabul. After a continuous running battle in two feet of snow, the force had been reduced to fewer than forty men. On 13 January 1842, the few survivors of the decimated regiment made a last stand against Afghan tribesmen on a rocky hill near the village of Gandamak. The ground was frozen and icy. The men had no shelter and were starving. Only a dozen of the men had working muskets, the officers their pistols and a few unbroken swords. When the Afghans surrounded them on the morning of the 13th the Afghans announced that a surrender could be arranged. "Not bloody likely!" was the bellowed answer of one British sergeant. Only a few men survived the massacre. Most notable was Captain Thomas Souter, who by wrapping the regimental colors around himself was taken prisoner, being mistaken by the Afghans as a high military official, also Sergeant Fair and seven other soldiers were taken prisoner. One more, Surgeon William Brydon, made it back to the British garrison at Jalalabad on the afternoon of the same day. The only member of the 44th to get away... W&W

May there always be an England!

(And a Scotland, an Ireland and a Wales for that matter.)

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

For Bill

One of the members of my tribe lost his beloved dog the other day. One minute he was there and then some thirty minutes later he was gone. Toby died in his sleep, at home, where he was loved and cherished. Would that I could have such an ending.

Most of us have had pets we loved with all the intensity one can muster for a fellow creature. They are loving, each in their own way, and quite patient with their human companions. When they pass, the light is a bit dimmer, there is a little less joy in the places they left behind.

No one who has ever lost a beloved dog or cat will ever forget that moment, just after you realize that they are gone. The world stops for a moment, the sadness is nearly unbearable, then you start remembering the times you had together.

The pain never goes away, but it lessens with time. The memories of the time together last forever. And ever.

Epitaph to a Dog

Near this Spot
are deposited the Remains of one
who possessed Beauty without Vanity,
Strength without Insolence,
Courage without Ferosity,
and all the virtues of Man without his Vices.
This praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery
if inscribed over human Ashes,
is but a just tribute to the Memory of
who was born in Newfoundland May 1803
and died at Newstead Nov. 18th, 1808.

When some proud Son of Man returns to Earth,
Unknown to Glory but upheld by Birth,
The sculptor’s art exhausts the pomp of woe,
And storied urns record who rests below:
When all is done, upon the Tomb is seen
Not what he was, but what he should have been.
But the poor Dog, in life the firmest friend,
The first to welcome, foremost to defend,
Whose honest heart is still his Master’s own,
Who labours, fights, lives, breathes for him alone,
Unhonour’d falls, unnotic’d all his worth,
Deny’d in heaven the Soul he held on earth:
While man, vain insect! hopes to be forgiven,
And claims himself a sole exclusive heaven.
Oh man! thou feeble tenant of an hour,
Debas’d by slavery, or corrupt by power,
Who knows thee well, must quit thee with disgust,
Degraded mass of animated dust!
Thy love is lust, thy friendship all a cheat,
Thy tongue hypocrisy, thy heart deceit!
By nature vile, ennobled but by name,
Each kindred brute might bid thee blush for shame.
Ye! who behold perchance this simple urn,
Pass on, it honors none you wish to mourn.
To mark a friend’s remains these stones arise;
I never knew but one—and here he lies.

-Lord Byron

Note: One thing I will say in contradiction to this wonderful poem, we will see our beloved four-legged friends again someday. I cannot believe that Our Lord, who loves us so, would let us be separated long from our faithful companions.

Trivia Tuesday- Yes, I know it's Wednesday.

Surprise!  Tuesday's semi-regular programming was pre-empted by Sarge's pre-operative post so I deferred to Wednesday.  It's my own fault though.  I've been falling down on my job as a part-time pithy political blogger here on the Chant, but fortunately Sarge is a very understanding employer.  I've got the barest seedling of a political post in my brain, but it's still got some germinating to go before it's ready to harvest for you.

Wow!  How's that for some plant-based metaphor?  Too much?  Yeah, probably.  Maybe one more-  politics and manure comes to mind!  We'll see if I can do better when I actually have that post fully grown.  Until that time, you get trivia.   Today we're focusing on Naval quotes.  No, not ones from old dead guys.  That can be a bit dry and boring and you hear enough from old guys on here anyway, so I'm focusing on quotes from Navy movies- some good, some bad.  I'll list the quote, maybe with the character's name or another hint, and you guess the flick.  By the way, the movie posters won't be related to the quote below it.

I'll start with an easy one:

1. England is under threat of invasion, and though we be on the far side of the world, this ship is our home. This ship is England.

2. Edward R. Murrow: "This is London, Ed Murrow reporting. This island, which is no stranger to bad tiding, received news today that HMS Hood largest warship in the British fleet and pride of the British navy, has been sunk by the German battleship..."    

For that one, it might help to guess what I left out of that quote.  Or, if you know your WWII history, who sank the Hood?

3. CO:  "Rickover gave me my command, a checklist, a target, and a button to push. All I had to know was how to push it, and they'd tell me when. They seem to want you know why."
XO: " I would hope they'd want us all to know why, sir."

If you know who Rickover was, that might help you figure out which movie that was from.  If not, here's another quote:

CO: Speaking of horses did you ever see those Lipizzaner stallions.
XO: What?
CO: From Portugal. The Lipizzaner stallions. The most highly trained horses in the world. They're all white?
XO: Yes, sir.
CO: "Yes, sir" you're aware they're all white or "Yes, sir" you've seen them?
XO: Yes, sir I've seen them. Yes, sir I was aware that they're are all white. They are not from Portugal; they're from Spain and at birth, they're not white; they're black. Sir.

4. LT Alex Hopper: You men have given so much to your country, and no one has the right to ask any more of you... but I'm asking.
Old Salt: What do you need, son?
LT Alex Hopper: I need to borrow your boat.

Too obscure?  Would a location help?

Old Salt Navigator: Sir, are we really firing on Oahu?
Old Salt: Sure looks that way.
Old Salt Navigator: Holy shit!

By the way, the movie wasn't filmed in Missouri...

5.  Going old school here:  Von Stolberg: I should have died many times, Captain, but I continue to survive somehow. This time it was your fault.
Captain Murrell: I didn't know. Next time I won't throw you the rope.
Von Stolberg: I think you will.

Like I said, that one predates me, but I saw it one Sunday afternoon a few years back on some cable channel.  The chess match between the two caught my attention and I'm glad it did.

6. Susan, as she walks through a metal detector at a DC ball: Thank God its not a bullshit detector or none of us would get in."

Too tough?  

Scott Pritchard: "Tom is the one who saw you at Susan's. He's known about you all along, isn't that right? We do know what that means. If Commander Farrell is the man who was with Miss Atwell, then Commander Farrell is the man who killed Miss Atwell. And we know that the man who killed Miss Atwell is Yuri. Therefore, Commander Farrell IS Yuri, quod erat demonstrandum."

7.  LCDR Dodge: Little young for an XO?
XO Pascal: Excellence knows no age, Sir!

LCDR Dodge:Speaking of age, what do you think about our boat, Pascal?
XO Pascal: I feel I need a tetanus shot just from looking at it. The only thing holding her together, are the bird droppings, sir.

How about another?  

"Sonar" Lovacelli: [Whispering, and pointing straight up] Sir, it's the Orlando. Someone just dropped 45 cents.
LCDR Dodge: Are you sure?
"Sonar" Lovacelli: Oh, yeah. A quarter and 2 dimes.


8.  Miss Haruko Sakura: Damn it, I'm an American! What makes us different from German-Americans or Italian-Americans?
Captain Garth: Pearl Harbor... I guess.


Officer: Send this right away.
Pvt. Dombrowski: Hey chief what's this?
[a message saying that their pure water condenser is malfunctioning
Pvt. Dombrowski:
There ain't nothing wrong with our pure water condenser. I was just over there.
Officer: [annoyed] Dombrowski, *send it*!

9.  "Mr. Ambassador, you have nearly a hundred naval vessels operating in the North Atlantic right now. Your aircraft has dropped enough sonar buoys so that a man could walk from Greenland to Iceland to Scotland without getting his feet wet. Now, shall we dispense with the bull?"


"What's the matter Commander? You don't like flying, huh? Aw, this is nothing! You should've been with us five, six months ago! Whoa! You talk about puke! We ran into a hailstorm over the Sea of Japan. Everybody's retching their guts out! The pilot shot his lunch all over the windshield, and I barfed on the radio! Shorted it out completely! And it wasn't that lightweight stuff either, it was that chunky industrial weight puke!" (offers him the candy bar he's been eating).


10. "Sir, I signed up to be a fighter pilot. I didn't want to be a cop. And I certainly didn't want to go walking a beat on a neighborhood nobody cares about."

11. Ens. Keith Larson to Chief Torpedoman: They wouldn't give me five minutes to consumate my marriage. Five minutes!


Marine Maj. Coonan: How deep does this thing go?
LCDR Mike Dahlgren: Oh, she'll go all the way to the bottom if we don't stop her.

12. "I looked down from our bridge and saw our captain's palm tree! Our trophy for superior achievement! The Admiral John J. Finchley award for delivering more toothpaste and toilet paper than any other Navy cargo ship in the safe area of the Pacific."

13. CO: "Movie officer, what's the film tonight?"
Pilot: "They Shoot horses, Don't They, Sir!"
CO: "Any skin?"
Pilot: "No Sir."
CO: "Cancel it!"

14. Captain Yelland: Alert 1 this is Eagle 1, What've you got?
F-14 Pilot: Two Japanese Zeroes, sir.
Captain Yelland: Two what?
F-14 Pilot: Two Trophy Class Mitsubishi A6Ms in original condition, complete with all markings. I mean, they look brand new sir!

15. "A Chief Petty Officer shall not drink. However, if he should drink he shall not get drunk. If he should get drunk, he shall not stagger. And if he should stagger, he shall not fall. And if he should fall, he will fall in such a manner as to cover up his rank so that passerbyes will think he is an officer."

If that's too obscure, how about this?

"The Navy Diver is not a fighting man, he is a salvage expert. If it is lost underwater, he finds it. If it's sunk, he brings it up. If it's in the way, he moves it. If he's lucky, he will die young, 200 feet beneath the waves, for that is the closest he'll ever get to being a hero."

Ok, enough for today.

1. Master and Commander (2003) as spoken by Capt. Jack Aubrey, played by Russell Crowe.
2. Sink the Bismark (1960)
3. Crimson Tide (1995)
4. Battleship (2012)
5. The Enemy Below (1957)
6. No Way Out (1987)
7. Down Periscope (1996)
8. Midway (1976)
9. The Hunt for Red October (1990)
10. Behind Enemy Lines (2001)
11. U-571 (2000)
12. Mister Roberts (1995)
13. Flight of the Intruder (1991)
14. The Final Countdown (1980)
15. Men of Honor (2000)